Miss collodion came in to my life out of know were it was like she sought me out. I fell for her form the moment I laid my eyes on her. I had no idea that she was going to open something up in side of me that had been close for many years. Photography as an art form was where I started then it became a job. Life just happened and all of a sudden every thing I loved was taken for me. I felt like a thief had visited me in the night. Years wet by and I had all this free space in my heart waiting for something to fill it up. I also had the fear that it would happen again so I built these walls to protect my self. I don’t know how it’s possible she just showed up smashed straight through all of the walls entering my heart. It brought be right back to where I started and it made me feel so good. It felt like when I was in high school and had my first crush on a girl. I have heard the collodion process referred to as a woman. I also think of it that way. When ever some thing goes wrong it is never her fault and it is my job to figure out what’s wrong and how to fix it. She is not going to tell you what’s wrong ether. That brings me to this image. I just mixed up a new batch of chemical and I was all excited to try them out. I call my friend Sarah to see if I could shoot a portrait of her to test them out. I shot the first photo of Sarah and as soon as I developed it I knew something was wrong. I wanted it to work out so bad I never anticipated how I was going to feel when it didn’t. My initial reaction was disappointment. How could she let me down? I figured well try again so I did. The same things happen again. As I was looking at the flaws I never stopped to see the beautiful thing that had happened. This is the image that I was about to right off as a mistake. This one turned out to be my favorite one after all.
My main focus was on making it work the way I had seen it work for others. I figured it was my turn to have it work out for me. I wasn’t going to give up on her even though I want to. I mixed something up real quick and bam it worked! I shoot some more photos and I thought I was in the clear. I was so happy for that short time I thought it was going to all work out. I shot another photo and she went right back to her old ways. I was devastated. So I just called it quits. I thought to my self there is no reason to keep beating my self up over something that was not working. After a few days of thinking about what went wrong I realize this was not a total loss some thing amazing happened. I had taken a chance on something new and that was a big step for me. I didn’t stay where it was safe I put my self out there. She gave me the ability to feel again and I'm so grate full for that. My conclusion is I might need to try some new chemical or maybe the old ones will work out only time will tell. For now I'm going to move just move forward searching for the right chemistry.
Location: 9 stories above Los Angeles
Photo: Sarah Emmons (double click to enlarge image)